Bearing Brokenness: Finding Strength
Sep 22, 2020
My Dearest Sisters in Christ,
As I sit here in my pajamas, the clock reads 2:31 pm, and I feel broken. Yes, broken. There are moments in our lives when the weight of our responsibilities and the relentless pressures of everyday existence become too much to bear. I confided in my husband last night, confessing that the mere thought of facing today brought me to tears. Have you ever experienced such a day?
I couldn't summon the strength needed to guide my children through their homework, navigate Nathan's autism-related challenges, or pursue my own passions, such as podcasting. I felt utterly empty.
Have you ever felt empty to the point where it's more than just physical hunger? It's a profound starvation that seems insatiable. You might be thinking, "Well, Tamara, feed yourself." I assure you, I do. I exercise, eat well, and dedicate my early mornings to quiet time with the Lord. I read my scriptures, pray fervently, and seek connection with God. But sometimes, the energy and strength needed to face another day simply elude me.
I've come to realize that I pushed myself too hard for too long, and I know I'm not alone in this struggle.
The never-ending "to do" list, the constant demands of family life, and the unceasing juggling act have left me depleted. Parenting is a never-ending, exhausting journey, especially when you have a child with special needs like my son, Nathan.
My husband has been a tremendous help since completing his Master's degree, and I am deeply grateful for his support. Nevertheless, I pushed myself beyond my limits, and today I find myself not shattered, but definitely broken. To better care for my loved ones, I must take better care of myself.
To those of you who are feeling broken like I am today, know this: you are not alone. You are not the only one wrestling with exhaustion, feeling drained, and suffering from an inner hunger.
Today, I made the decision to cancel everything on my schedule. I retreated to the comfort of my bed, still in my pajamas, and picked up a book. In the pages of that book, I experienced a range of emotions – I cried, I laughed, and I fell in love. It's funny how I turned to a book to escape, and it turned out to be just what my soul needed.
Did you know, dear friend, that when you handed me that book a few weeks ago and urged me to read it, you were unknowingly providing me with a lifeline for a day like this?
Authors, do you understand the incredible power you possess when you wield your pen? Through your stories and your characters, you play a role in the healing of broken souls like mine. Through your words, God ignites hope within us, granting us the strength to continue our journey. Your insights reveal the walls we've constructed around ourselves for self-preservation, helping us understand that we are not meant to navigate this life alone.
I have come to realize that I need people. I need help. I am too weary to continue trudging through life by myself. Taking better care of myself means learning to delegate and seeking the assistance I require.
There is a quote by Spencer W. Kimball that I cherish: "The Lord does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs."
Today, my needs were met through the ministry of my husband, the gift of a book from a dear friend, and the sweet texts from friends. They saved me when I felt like I was drowning, and I'm profoundly grateful for their presence in my life.
Let us remember to thank God for sending people to rescue us when we are on the brink of breaking. His love and mercy are infinite, and He knows exactly what we need and how to answer our desperate pleas for help.
I want to encourage you, my dear sisters, that even amidst the challenges of the Coronavirus pandemic and the additional strain it places on our families, we will survive. We will emerge stronger, our faith unwavering. Perhaps all we need are a few long mornings in our pajamas, with a good book, in our beds, and the unwavering support of God, our friends, and our families to guide us through.
Together, as Christian Women Warriors of Light, we shall overcome.
With love and faith,
Tamara K. Anderson
