Recovery and Hope: Insights on Eating Disorders
Jul 18, 2022
Guest Post by author Haley Hatch Freeman, used with permission
As a survivor of severe anorexia, I want to share my story of hope and offer some insight. At the age of 16, I was admitted to the hospital weighing 50% of my recommended body weight. I was once a happy, 4.0 student but this vicious eating disorder robbed my personality and light, and without proper fat and nutrients, my body and brain had begun to shut down and die, leaving me psychotic and unable to complete the simplest tasks, including feeding, bathing, or even dressing myself.
Doctors feared I wouldn’t survive, but to their amazement, after a month in the hospital, I not only lived, but my mind healed, which was not expected, and I returned to full mental and physical health. I would love to share my full story of faith, angels, parental unconditional love, and miracles with you, you can find it in my book, A Future for Tomorrow.
For now, I would like to offer a few insights I acquired from my journey. I want to first honor the fact that everyone’s experience with disordered eating is different, this is my truth and what I have learned from my triumph against this ugly disease.
To Those Who are Suffering from an Eating Disorder
My friend, I speak to you with all sincerity from the deepest part of my heart. I truly understand your anguish and battle over this substance named food.
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First and foremost, I plead for you to go to someone with your problem. Get professional help. This disease will not stop without treatment. Do not be fooled by the falsehood that you can heal alone. For months I tried with every ounce of energy inside myself to overcome the mental monster that taunted each bite, but I still lost weight and grew increasingly ill. I allowed the disorder to control me until, according to all medical understanding, I should have died. Recognize that your sorrow is not about food, but about deeper issues. Get treatment for them. Be honest and brave with your counselors and yourself. Allow yourself to deal with even painful past experiences.
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Know that no number on the scale or size on a clothing tag is small enough to give you joy. Do not allow yourself to fall into the belief that if you lose five more pounds, you will be happy. This notion is false and destructive. I know because at my lowest weight I was more miserable and lost than at the healthier size I was after recovery and am today.
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I know there is a battle within you. A part of you wants to get healthy and stop the deprivation, and part of you doesn’t. Trust my words: you want to heal. There is life more glorious than you can imagine waiting for you. You need to heal to be capable of enjoying it.
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I know how the disorder becomes part of your identity, who you think you are. You may wonder, “Who am I if I’m not an anorexic?” You need to find a passion, a purpose. Make that a part of your identity and leave the disorder behind.
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You are worthy of all nourishment and health. Thinness is not perfection. You don’t need to be perfect; allow yourself to be human. Leave perfectionism behind. I finally had to believe Christ’s teachings. Believing that He can make me whole helps me deal with feeling not good enough or the need for perfection. I had to stop trying to save myself. With Him as a partner, we can be perfected at another time in eternity.
You have great worth and a purpose, an individual plan on earth that only you can complete. Get the assistance you need to heal, then achieve it! A full recovery is possible!
To Those Who Have Loved Ones Who are Suffering from an Eating Disorder
HERE IS WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER WITH AN EATING DISORDER WANTS TO SAY BUT CAN’T
I want to be the voice for those who haven’t found the strength yet to voice what they wish they could say or who maybe haven’t identified what is going on beyond the chaos and confusion of their disorder and pain.
“I’m Still Inside!”
There is an evil phenomenon that happens with eating disorders, not only do they destroy the body, but they destroy the person’s spirit and personality. The deeper into the disorder they fall the more they lose themselves.
The disorder rips the light away slowly as it progresses, it causes a sweet daughter to lash out in defense to protect her addictive behavior. It causes a once carefree child to cry in the darkness alone in her room. It invokes harsh words and harmful behaviors of an otherwise considerate teen. It tears at her soul filling her with the lie that she can’t trust anyone and that her only coping method is to restrict food and exercise the pain away.
Your daughter’s voice:
“Don’t give up on me! I’m still inside! Don’t forget the love we shared and the times we laughed at the movies, the sincere conversations on walks, and the goofy moments on family vacations. I’m still that person, somewhere deep inside. I don’t know what is going on inside me. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to act this way. I hurt! I need help!”
But there is HOPE! Don’t give up on her! As recovery occurs the grasp of the soul sucker is loosened, and with each victory of health returning, so will your daughter’s personality. The light will revisit her eyes. Her laughter will fill your home again. Her true spirit will be in control again and you will once more be united in love and harmony. You will GET YOUR DAUGHTER BACK!
This suggestion is for those with a loved one in recovery, whether it’s a month or 20 years into recovery this applies. From my own experiences and from what I’ve learned from others whom I have mentored I know this one thing is vital for your child’s success.
A Word About Dieting
The second “voice” I want to give to your daughter (or son) who is fighting their eating disorder is to mostly mothers and their own dieting goals while your child is fighting their battle with recovery.
I have heard this countless times from young women I mentor, “What do I do when my mom is constantly dieting?”
Parents with children with eating disorders need to realize that food, exercise, and dieting have become an obsession and addiction to their children. It is like a drug to them. If your child was in rehab for alcohol abuse or drugs, would you wave a beer in front of their noses? Would you surround them with their friends talking about getting high and partying?
You also need to realize there is much pain associated with weight. They are fighting against the world and their old self telling them that they need to be thinner. They are looking to you for support and an example. If you are trying to lose weight it is almost as if you are not “on their team” they feel betrayed in essence and that they are alone in the fight.
From the mother’s perspective, I might hear, “What if I do need to lose weight for my health?” Of course, I’m not against being healthy. My advice is to keep it to yourself. NEVER involve your daughter in the process. Do not tell her how much weight you have lost, don’t tell her your workout goals, just don’t wave that glass of alcohol in front of her!
Exercise when she is not around, eat rationally, balanced meals that the whole family is also eating, don’t restrict food or calorie count, and if you do PLEASE never say it out loud. Numbers and especially weight numbers are VERY triggering to eating disorder patients.
Instead, let’s be an example of loving our bodies the way they are and giving your daughter the support she needs of being in a non-diet atmosphere!
Conclusion
In conclusion, the last message I want to leave is that there is hope for a full and lasting recovery and there is hope for a life brimming with joy, post the darkness of an eating disorder. I was lost in the disease as bad as one can get and I was able to completely heal and leave anorexia behind forever. You can too!
-By Haley Hatch Freeman, Author of A Future for Tomorrow: Surviving Anorexia, My Spiritual Journey and From Head to Tummy, the simple truth about food, media messages, self-worth and real beauty. Check out her new release Lily’s Reflection: A True Beauty Princess Story.
