Why is it Important for Me to Keep my Word?

Bible, Women & Bathrobes Episode 15

Summary

Tamara, Amy, and Bonnie discuss the balance between making oaths or promises and moral responsibility in Jesus' teachings from the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:33-37. They emphasize the importance of integrity and character as far as keeping one's word in relationships, acknowledging the negative consequences of actions, and seeking help from God. Bonnie added that Jesus' teachings help us avoid pain and be happy. They highlighted the power of oaths in relationships with God and the need for personal integrity as a pre-requisite to keeping our word to others, strong relationships, and the Christian life.

Takeaways

• From Amy, “I truly believe that every time we do not stand true to our word or true to who we really are, it weakens us just like impurities in steel weaken the integrity of the steel. And I want to be strong. . . So that's my takeaway is that transparency and being true to who I know I am makes me strong in Christ.”
• For Bonnie, “Being honest with myself and following through on my personal goals and things like that because that's where it starts with being honest with other people. If we can't be honest with ourselves, we're gonna have a really hard time keeping that going through every other relationship. And so I feel like that is something that I need to really work on is sticking to my personal integrity.”
• For Tamara, “God can help us be more accountable to ourselves and then to others. And that's how he wants us to live. He wants us to live happily. And we can do that more easily with Him. So, don't beat yourself up if you fail. Just recommit and keep trying. Because this life is a journey and we learn line upon line. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back, but we'll get there eventually.”

Today’s Podcast Hosts & Guests

Tamara K. Anderson

Tamara, founder of Women Warriors of Light, is a dynamic speaker, award winning author, and a podcaster. She is driven by her Christian faith to inspire faith in Jesus Christ. Alongside her husband, Justin, she navigates the joys and challenges of parenting four children with autism, ADHD, and mental health hurdles. You can find out more about Tamara on her website: https://www.tamarakanderson.com/

Bonnie Randall

Bonnie Randall is a wife, mother, trainer, speaker, actress, copywriter, heart centered life coach and has also been a business and marketing consultant for over 20 years. Her real passion is to help people grow as individuals and teach them how to resolve limiting beliefs. Bonnie enjoys teaching about mental health, abuse prevention and recovery classes. She runs a trauma recovery support group and YouTube channel called, Come Off Conqueror, which helps survivors of abuse find Christ centered healing. Find out more at: https://www.youtube.com/@comeoffconqueror

Amy Johnson

Amy is a member of our Women Warriors of Light Advisory Board. She is a leader of women, a homemaker, and a licensed cosmetologist. Amy enjoys nurturing women through betrayal trauma to becoming a beacon of support and inspiration.

Transcript

Tamara Anderson  0:01 

When you say you'll do something, do you actually do it? And does it really matter? We're gonna talk about this part of the Sermon on the Mount today and see what Jesus has to say about that. So stay tuned.

Tamara Anderson  0:17 

Welcome to Bible, Women and Bathrobes, the podcast where faith meets comfort. Join us Tuesday and Thursday morning. As the gals from women warriors of flight and their guests, Don bathrobes and dive into the inspiring stories of women in the Bible, and the teachings of Jesus Christ. From Esther's bravery to the Sermon on the Mount. We explore it all with warmth, laughter, sisterhood, and maybe even a few sleepy eyed moments. Tune in live or at your leisure as we learn lessons from scripture which empower women today.

Tamara Anderson  0:59 

Welcome to Bible, Women and Bathrobes. I'm your host Tamara K Anderson. And joining me today is Bonnie Randall, and Amy Johnson. And they both been on before so I don't need to introduce them.

Tamara Anderson  1:11 

But we are excited to dive into another section of Matthew chapter five, that we probably don't understand or have a hard time applying in our lives today. And that's Matthew chapter five. And we're going to start in verse 33. Today, and it's all about swearing and oaths and not swearing, like using foul language--but we're talking about making oaths and to the people in Jesus's time. And in New and Old Testament times oaths were quite binding and important and, and you didn't make an oath, casually.

Tamara Anderson  1:50 

And so let me read to you guys this verse in 33. It says, "again, you have heard that it has been said by them of all time, Thou shalt not forswear thy self, but shall perform unto the Lord, thine oaths." And then here, this is the up level, he says, "But I see and you swear not at all, neither by heaven, for it is God's throne, nor by the earth for it is his footstool." And then I'm going to skip to 36. "Neither shall though swear by thy head, because now counts not make one hair white nor black." And I'm gonna pause right there.

Tamara Anderson  2:26 

But what I think Jesus is saying here is instead of swearing by God, and kind of making it well, God willing, this will happen, type situation. Just promise that you'll do it and keep your word. It's a matter of integrity. You know what I mean? I think I think that's what Jesus is getting out here. And and maybe you guys have seen a different angle of this, but I thought I'd open it up for discussion. Amy, do you want to kick us off? Was there something there that you understood that to mean and what it meant to you?

Amy Johnson  3:10 

Well, I, I really do believe it has to do with doing what we say we're going to do, being who we say we're going to be. And I really do believe it's about relationships. And I really, I love the idea of relationships with God. And, and having been in a relationship where our the word was not law, the word was not bound it, you really see what kind of damage happens to the relationship, when you don't mean what you say and say what you mean, and do what you say you're going to really do. And so I think they were they were really good at understanding that use. They made a lot of oaths, they really did back in that time period.

Amy Johnson  4:05 

But do you remember, even in the 50s, and 60s, you'll see sometimes in an old show where they'll make a promise, and there's no need for lengthy contracts that you have to sign away your life for an entire day, right? Because your word meant something. And now it has to be written in such a way that it can hold up in court, instead of just mean something. And so I think what's really interesting here is he he's saying, Okay, you already know this, that you shouldn't just make a promise without keeping it. But then he moves on and he says, swear not at all neither by heaven, but all of a sudden now I'm like, Oh, I don't control anything. And that's what I see. Doesn't matter. Hey, how many? What I say, doesn't matter. I control nothing. God controls all the things. So, for me, it's it's kind of an interesting thing. They thought there was so much power in the oaths they made to one another. But in reality, there's only really power in the covenants I make with God.

Tamara Anderson  5:17 

Bonnie, any thoughts?

Bonnie Randall  5:20 

Yeah, a couple we I want to read you, this commentary says or at least, that was really interesting. So I didn't know this about back in the day. It was common among the Jews to make agreements, contracts, and such so complex that they were easy to get out of legally. So for instance, if one promised by the full moon, that a chariot for sale was in tip top shape, and it wasn't one could later say to an irate customer that the moon wasn't actually full, wasn't actually a full moon on the day of the contract, rather, was a day or two away from its full face. Thus, the one giving His word was legally exempt from keeping it.

Bonnie Randall  6:06 

So I didn't even realize that part of the reason they love these complex oaths was so we could get out of it. That's so sneaky. And it made me think about integrity and what integrity really means, right? Like, it's more than just being honest. It's about being honest and truthful when no one's looking. Right? What is my character, when I'm all by myself.

Bonnie Randall  6:34 

And I think about this a lot because I am a closet, Candy eater. I love it. Shame. And I do I love sugar. I do. I love it so much. And I'm trying to lose weight and trying to eat healthier. And I've taken all these nutrition classes and we know how bad it is. But I'm like so ashamed of my candy addiction. Right that I used to like, literally, there's that meme of a mom going in the in the pantry and closing the door and eating like a whole thing of cookies, I swear that was developed because of me. Like that was me, I would hide it.

Bonnie Randall  7:16 

And when I think about integrity and how it's not just being honest with your fellow man, but honest with yourself, too, right and holding yourself to those to what you say and to that. And it makes me think now when I go to eat candy and secret, I'm like, no, like, I don't need to be in secret. I don't need to do this shameful thing. It's not shameful. I need to go pick something healthier. Like it's starting to help me change my eating habits and kind of a weird antidote.

Bonnie Randall  7:52 

But I like then one more thing that it makes me think of, I don't know if you guys know who Hiram Smith is. But he was one of the founders of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And he him and Franklin Covey worked together, building up the Franklin planners and stuff like that. He has this really funny video that he does on character. And he tells a story about him being obsessed with Heath bars, which I can relate to, because I love them. And again, it's candy. So you know him and I get along.

Bonnie Randall  8:29 

And he was addicted to them every single day, he would go down to the vending machine, and he would put his quarter in the machine and he would get himself a a Heath word one day. He's down there in the lunch cafeteria and he's just about to put his quarter in and he hears these two employees sitting at this table, just kind of like right next to him a little bit off. And he hears one of them say, Who have you seen Hyrum, he's looking a little Porky. And he turns over to look at them and he grabs his quarter and he marches out of the lunchroom.

Bonnie Randall  9:04 

He says in the video, I could of fired the two of them. But instead, I called up my wife and I made the decision that I was gonna go on a diet. And he says, You know what happens when you make a decision like that? In the heat of the moment, like you get hungry. That's what happened. A couple hours later, I got hungry. And so what did I do? Of course, I cheated on my decision.

Bonnie Randall  9:29 

And he says character is the ability to carry out a worthy decision after the emotion of that decision has passed. And I think that ties back into integrity, and that sometimes we make these great promises these great oaths to ourselves to God to other people in the emotion of something right in the heat of the moment. And we don't think it through all the way And so then when push comes to shove, we are then standing there going, do I hold up to my word? Do I have integrity? Or do I back out? And sometimes I hold up to my word at the detriment of myself because I over committed. Right. So we get talked about over committing now. And anyway, I'm gonna stop, but there's a whole, I feel like, several avenues we could go with this topic.

Tamara Anderson  10:30 

Yeah, no, I think I think you're right on with how this applies to us today. And, and, really, what does our character say about us? And there is something also to be said, for making decisions and thinking them through but but also, I know what if, you know, I've studied a little bit about setting goals and, and making commitments and stuff like that, and there's certain things you can do to make, make it more likely that you'll do something, you know, like, get an accountability partner, write it down, you know, there's things that you can do to make it more-- that once, you know, you have to tell somebody, I did this, or I didn't do it. You know, you're more likely to do it.

Tamara Anderson  11:24 

I think one of the best things I've heard, as far as, as making goals, or promises or stuff like that goes, is deciding what you'll do when certain situations come that tempt you. Like making the decision beforehand, when I'm hungry Am I going to take this quarter and go put it in the vending machine? Do you know what I mean? Or am I going to have, you know, six other options right here at my desk that are maybe more healthy options?

Tamara Anderson  12:00 

So So kind of thinking through the process and saying, Okay, here's what's going to happen if I make this decision. And sometimes you might try to do something several times and find out, okay, well, that didn't work, you know. So try again, you know, this is a process, a process of improving, a process of being true to yourself, and learning to swear by oaths to yourself, you know, I guess this is what we would call it in today's terms.

Tamara Anderson  12:36 

But I remember when my kids were little, and them saying, Mom, I promise I'll do it Pinky promise, Pinky promise. And they broke so many of their pinky promises, I just finally said, No more pinky promises. This is ridiculous. But I think Jesus is also kind of saying that here too, that, you know, don't say you're going to do it if you're not going to do it.

Tamara Anderson  12:55 

But if you do want to make an oath or a promise to yourself, even, but you're going to change and do something, think through what's going to happen when I'm tempted, and how do I prevent that from happening? Just because we're human, you know, we're gonna make mistakes. Build some leeway, and you know, I'm gonna stay off of candy, except I get one cheat day a week, you know, and I get to have one Heath bar, or I get to have one candy bar or a bowl of ice cream or something like that. So kind of build some wiggle room in. I don't know,

Amy Johnson  13:28 

I there's a couple of things I was thinking about. First of all, that was the laughing that we're talking about putting a quarter in a machine like anything costs a quarter anymore. But then, if you think about this word integrity, when I was teaching the Sunday school class when we talked about integrity, and and one of the men in the class brought up the integrity of steel, and that when steel is integritous, it's strong. And I have thought about that a lot. Because integrity is something that my, my dad talks about a lot. And and I felt like I was talking about to my husband a lot.

Amy Johnson  14:07 

But if you read verse 37, again, it says, "but let your communication be, yea yea or nay nay, For whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil." And I think that's what Bonnie was talking about where they were going into these long diatribes and what I even said about now we have to have these lengthy contracts, right that everybody has to sign away so many things because there's all this legal jargon. And I say that with love because I have an attorney for son, but that nay, yea, yea, nay nay I think, sometimes we I have seen where manipulation comes into play.

Amy Johnson  14:51 

So there's more conversation and an effort to control the dialogue, control aroom, control the narrative, control whatever and I think what he's saying is, look, you're either going to do it, or you're not going to do it. But either say, Yeah, I'm going to do it, or say, No, I'm not going to do it. Because anything more than that, I think that's the beauty of the Lord too is he's always showing us a way to prevent sorrow.

Amy Johnson  15:26 

And when we get in these winding conversations that can go on for days, especially with the people we love, then we tend to end up contending and getting angry and emotional and all of the things. But if we can just take a step back and go, Hey, I will do this. And mean it or I won't do this and mean it. Either way. I think that's what is the beauty of what he's saying. Just make it simple. Just you can do it or you not.

Tamara Anderson  16:00 

Bonnie, you look like you had something to say.

Bonnie Randall  16:03 

I'm really glad that both of you said what you did. While I was driving to my appointment earlier, the thought occurred to me, I was thinking about the be the Aermon on the Mount and all of these things that he's asking us to do, you know, and some of them are hard, right? Like the whole reconciliation thing, right? He's taking us to that higher level, like we keep saying.

Bonnie Randall  16:32 

And was thinking about how sometimes the narrative in today's world is, the gospel is too restrictive. We have too many commandments and too many laws. I can't be myself, like, there's no wiggle room for me to just be me. My truth, my truth, my truth, right? Like we just have this like societal drive to want everyone to be themselves and to find their own truth into, "you do you" kind of mentality, right?

Bonnie Randall  17:04 

And as I was thinking about this, and how does that fit into the gospel? And it occurred to me, everything that he is asking us to do is what Amy just said, it's to avoid pain. If we think about it, all of this stuff, if we do the opposite of it, it creates sorrow. Right? If we have an addiction, sorrow, if we cheat on our spouse: sorrow. If we lie: sorrow. Like all of these things, wickedness really never was happiness, like we said in our last episode, or last week.

Bonnie Randall  17:40 

And it's that same thing, it all comes back to what Heavenly Father and God is trying to do for us is give us joy. He's trying to save us from ourselves. He's trying to prevent us from making stupid decisions that will just lead (I can't talk) lead to pain. And I love that it's kind of this progression as we go about in the chapter, right? It's he's starting us off with, I can't remember now, the Beatitudes, right? Blessed be the meek and the humble, and all these things.

Bonnie Randall  18:19 

And then he leads and to go on, like everything's building onto it. And wait till next. We talk about next week. And it's amazing to see this progression. And I feel like that is the allegory of life. Right? We start off small, we start off with the little things that we try to fix and correct. And then we can build on that and get better and better. And our goals can get bigger and bigger. And if we lean on him in it all comes back to Christ, right? If we lean on him and ask him for help and ask him for the next steps, He will show us how to keep progressing. We'll stay happy. That's the beauty, we will stay happy.

Amy Johnson  19:09 

That's the whole point, right? I mean, he just he truly wants us to have joy. He wants us to have joy. And he wants us to understand that sorrow is real, and that we need to feel it, but only because we really, and I know this from experience too-- When you numb your feelings, you don't get to feel the full range of joy, the full awesome when you're working so hard to suppress the negative. You don't get to feel the full range of the awesome, right. And so I think it's all about that. It's all about that.

Tamara Anderson  19:45 

Yup. I thought I'd dive a little more into what you guys were talking touched on briefly about this opportunity for premeditated deceit. And this saying I'll do it God willing, you know.

Tamara Anderson  20:02 

And I was able to serve a mission among the Hispanic people many, many, many years ago. And I love them to pieces, they are so sweet and kind and humble and all that stuff. But they have this one little saying. And it goes like this "Si Dios quiere." So we would invite them to come to church on Sunday, and they would say, I will go "Si Dios quiere" --God willing. And I always wanted to say, God wants you to be there. But you've got to make the decision to come. Do you know what I mean?

Tamara Anderson  20:35 

And so I think that also what Jesus is saying here is, leave God out of this. You have your agency, do you know what I mean? You can choose whether to do something or not to do something. Now, yes, if there's a grand natural disaster, or tornado comes through, a hurricane an earthquake. Okay. I can see how God willing plays into that.

Tamara Anderson  20:59 

But how many times do we make excuses for ourselves, kind of like those cute little Hispanic people, it's just become a common way of them saying, I'll be there, God willing, you know, but really, it's kind of their backdoor out of it is Oh, something came up. And it wasn't meant to be. Do you know what I mean?

Tamara Anderson  21:20 

So I thought I just kind of throw that in the mix. For all of us, as we're making decisions to either do something or not do something. Any thoughts on that?

Bonnie Randall  21:30 

What country were you in?

Tamara Anderson  21:30 

Oh, I was actually here in the United States. But I, I worked Yeah, specifically with the Hispanic population, ow from many, many countries, you know, Mexican, Cuban. You know, you name it, every Central American country, lots and lots.

Bonnie Randall  21:54 

I'm half Porto Rican and I can now just blame my wishy washyness on that. It's just in my culture.

Amy Johnson  22:02 

If that's your takeaway, at the end of this, you're in trouble.

Bonnie Randall  22:07 

You did make me think about agency and how important it is to be. I can't remember the Scripture again, right. I'm not the scriptorium of the group. But there's scripture that talks about being an agent until ourselves, and not being acted upon. And I feel like I've studied this topic a lot, because I've had a lot of opportunity with my past life. And with the people I work with, to think about taking back our power, and our agency and how, when you've been a victim of any sort of trauma, it doesn't matter if it's abuse, trauma, or you get in a car accident, or a hurricane comes through or whatever, whatever it is, you feel powerless, right? And you feel like you are being acted upon, and that life is happening to you. And it's making you miserable, and, and all this stuff.

Bonnie Randall  23:01 

But when we can stop and have the true view, which is I have my agency I can choose. I maybe couldn't choose that experience. True. That happened. Yes. But I can choose my reaction. And I'm going to choose what I do with this. We call that trauma learning. And we give it growth. When we can say, Where's the lesson in this? Where are the good things that have come from this? What have I learned? Who have I become because of this junk, then we become powerful again. We take back our power, and we literally conquer the evil that is trying to hold us down. And I love that that is the invitation that from the very beginning with Adam and Eve. We were given our agency. And from the very beginning we could choose how to react to this world.

Tamara Anderson  24:04 

Love it. Amy, you had a comment.

Amy Johnson  24:06 

I just I think it's really funny because our words are different. Now we will say things like instead of God willing, I've heard it said that's just who I am. I can't I can't help that I can't help that I'm this way that's just who I am. And and, and I really believe that with that agency that we've this God given agency that is such a beautiful gift. I really believe we can then create our own, recreate our own story almost and I'm, I'm not talking about delusions, because those are fun, but we shouldn't do it. But I am talking about taking taking whatever trauma life is thrown at you because I don't care who you are. I don't think you escaped without trauma of some sort.

Amy Johnson  25:01 

And yes, it's it's maybe easier to pinpoint trauma of someone who was burned in a serious fire or the trauma of somebody whose spouse cheated on them or this, or dealt with betrayal, trauma, or whatever. But I don't think anybody gets out of life unscathed. But we have the opportunity to then use this agency to create positive things that we will hold on to.

Amy Johnson  25:27 

I was talking on Saturday, my husband, I had a lovely day, we walked all over Salt Lake, which is where we live. And we were talking about my childhood a little bit, and I was talking about these core memories I have with my mom. And they're positive, they're really positive core memories, where she helped me as I cried as an elementary school kid. And I was thinking, Okay, I need to keep the core memories with my husband, that are positive at the forefront of my brain, instead of the memory of him rejecting something I made for dinner. And then believing that he thought I was terrible cook that became a core memory in my marriage.

Amy Johnson  26:10 

And so we were laughing. And I actually stopped, he was telling me a story about his childhood that involve food. And I stopped and I said, Okay, please hold, I'm going to create a brand new core memory for me. And I retold this whole story and pretended like it had happened in our early years of marriage different than it actually did. And he was just looking at me, and I'm stopped on the streets of salt, like, retelling this core memory because I have agency. And I get to choose. He he didn't say all the right words back then. Because he didn't know how to be transparent with what he had felt as a child. And so I created this whole new memory. And I thought, This is how you build relationships, you build one step at a time together, where you say, Oh, I don't want to remember that time we bumped and crashed into each other. I want to remember this time where we came together. And with God, we built something beautiful.

Tamara Anderson  27:17 

I love that we can choose who we are and who we want to be who we were in the past doesn't determine who we are in the future. We can find these little failings, I think Jesus is really good at pointing out and kind of poking us a little bit and saying, Okay, you're doing this, which is awesome. Good job, by the way. But now I want you to uplevel and, and be more transparent, be more true to who you say you're going to be. And lean on me to do it. Because it's hard. It's hard to change. It's hard to change. So let's go through quick takeaways. Bonnie?

Bonnie Randall  28:00 

Hmm, maybe you should start with Amy.

Tamara Anderson  28:05 

Amy,

Amy Johnson  28:06 

I think what I really am taking away from this today is what I said kind of at the beginning that I don't have any control except what I promised to God. But I also am now realizing the that my focus really needs to be on controlling. Will I do what I say I'm going to do? Will I be who I know I am? Will I be transparent, even when being transparent has caused me some pain in the past because of messy relationships, but, but I'm gonna I'm gonna be transparent if it kills me. Because I think the transparency and the integrity. I truly believe that every time we do not stand true to our word or true to who we really are, it weakens us just like impurities in steel weaken the integrity of the steel. And I want to be I want to be strong. I want to be I want to be awesome. So that's my takeaway is that transparency and being true to who I know I am makes me strong in Christ.

Tamara Anderson  29:23 

I love that. Bonnie, are you ready to share?

Bonnie Randall  29:28 

I feel like there's a lot of takeaways for today, I think. I mean, obviously integrity is big and doing what I say I'm going to do on a personal level, right? Being honest with myself and following through on my personal goals and things like that because that's where it starts with being honest with other people. If we can't be honest with ourselves. We're gonna have a really hard time keeping that going through every other relationship. And so I feel like that is something that I need to really work on is sticking to my personal integrity.

Tamara Anderson  30:15 

Love it, love it, love it. And I honestly feel that my biggest takeaway too, is that God can help us be more accountable to ourselves and then to others. And that's how he wants us to live. He wants us to live happily. And we can do that more easily with him. So, don't beat yourself up if you fail. Just recommit and keep trying. Because this life is a journey and we learn line upon line. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back, but we'll get there eventually. Right ladies?

Amy Johnson  31:02 

That's right.

Tamara Anderson  31:03 

Awesome. Well, thanks for joining us today and have a blessed day.

Tamara Anderson  31:09 

Thanks for tuning in to Bible, Women and Bathrobes hosted by Women Warriors of Light. We've loved exploring the stories of remarkable women are the teachings of the Savior today with you. If today's episode brought someone special to mind, be sure to spread the word. And don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss a moment of inspiration and sisterhood. Just a friendly reminder, all opinions we share are entirely personal as we are trying to decipher and apply Bible teachings just like you are. Until next time, stay faithful. And may Your journey be blessed and illuminated by God's love.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai